knowledge through nonsense

got my period.
ah, if only i had waited one more day i could have saved money by not buying those pregnancy tests.
well, i'll try to be more patient next month! and also next time i won't bore you with so many unecessesary updates.
try try again :)
*le sigh*

we got our wedding rings today.
2 super simple 4mm white gold bands.

i still didn't get my period so i took a pregnancy test and it said NOT pregnant.
bah.
so where is my period?
i should have gotten it on the 9th.

it's my 1st with lili on the outside of me!

i know i shouldn't get excited because my period is only 1 day late...but i admit i am!
i can't help it.
*crosses fingers*

lili's head circumference is 16" now (it was 12 at birth)
she is about 25 1/2 inches long
and she weighs about 15 pounds.

so for head circumference and weight she is in the 50th percentile
and for height she is in the 10th

she is showing less interest in her pacifier now, prefering to chew on her hand :)
she is rolling over from her back to her stomache regularily now.

i've met with the early intervention people twice now with her and so far they haven't shown me anything i haven't already been doing or told me anything i don't already know.
but i'll just keep doing it because i'm curious to see if it will ever become something more informative.
we'll see...

spring has sprung here and it's such a relief.
we went for a long walk today by the river with lili in the new stroller and then had a yummy greek salad.

we did atkins for 5 days and then lost our minds.
so we are just going to go more the "sugarbusters" route.
that is, eating only complex carbs and lean meat.
i'm not much of a sweets person anyway, so that is not hard for me.
so things like whole grain, brown rice, high fiber veggies and fruits.
i guess no beets, bananas or pineapple.

my mom has the sugar busters book and i'll read that when i get it from her.

i think i've lost a few pounds but i'm not sure how many because i didn't weigh myself before i started this diet.
but this morning i weighed 120, and i'd like to weigh 107.
my measurements are 37-30-38 (long long ago i used to be 32-24-32)
but if i can get to 110 by my wedding (june 20th) i'll be fine with that.
i think that might be doable.

i still haven't gotten my dress (i'm dreading trying any on right now)
and we haven't gotten the rings.
and we haven't even sent out the invitations yet...we are so bad.

we have to hop to it in a major way!

i was in the park the other day with lili when another mom came up to me with ehr baby in a stroller , too.
we found out that our children were both 9 months old.
then she let her child out of the stroller and she got up and WALKED.
my eyes were as big as saucers.

lili is just finally rolling!

what differences!

i'm wondering if i should even be a member of my due date community anymore.
the milestones other children are hitting now and not even in lili's realm at the moment.
so when people update with their children....it's nothing i am going through or can relate to yet.

all the other chiildren are sitting up at the table and eating food, cutting teeth and almost walking and pretty much ready to go out and get a job!

my little bean is still my little toothless snuggle bug and drinks her bottle and rolls around and shakes her rattles :)

http://quicksilverscreen.com/watch?video=45525

watch it now on google video :)

today lili is 9 months old!

+++

i love my new stroller, the bugaboo bee!
best thing ever!

+++

tomorrow M and i are going to go on the atkins diet.
ack!
wish us luck.
we both want to lose at least 15 pounds.

Nazi propaganda for their compulsory "euthanasia" program (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T-4_Euthanasia_Program):
"This person suffering from hereditary defects costs the community 60,000 Reichsmark during his lifetime. Fellow Germans, that is your money, too."



look familiar?

lili is finally rolling from her back to her stomache (and then back again)!
i'm so happy for her!
she started doing this 2 days ago but she hasn't figured out that this can be used as a method of getting around yet.

today she finally started reaching for the toys that dangle above her when she lays on her playmat.
(she reaches for things when she is sitting up but for some reason not when she is laying down...until now)

it's so exciting to watch her learn and grow :)

i need to buy her some new clothes. she is outgrowing everything.

+++

the days here have been so cold and grey.
i'm so sick of it.

+++

i dyed my hair flourescent red.

when lili was born, the next day i showed her off to the people who work in the office for the building i live in.
but i didn't mention she had T21 to them.
i didn't really feel it was necessary to say. i mean, why should it be?
however, everytime i'd take her out and the office people would come up to me and ooo and ahh over her growing and her cuteness factor, i would wonder, "are they wondering if she has down syndrome? and if they think she has it do they wonder if *I* know she does?" because, you know, sometimes people don't find out their children have it until years later.

actually, i think this whenever anyone at all comes up to me and wants to look at lili.
no one ever hads a weird reaction to her. everyone's reaction is immediately "ohhhhh! she is so beautiful!"
but i suspect it will become more obvious as she gets older.

what i WANT to do everytime someone looks at her is exclaim "and she has down syndrome!"
to just get it out of the way because it bugs me to wonder if they are wondering but also just because i want everyone to know who looks at her that people with t21 are beautiful people, too!
i want to spread the word. i want the word to know how amazing, beautiful and joyful having a baby with t21 is.
i want them to know they are vibrant beings.

because the world needs to know, desperately.
as i have told you before, 92% of children with T21 are aborted.

the governor of alaska just gave birth a few days ago to a child with T21
and the comments from people here about it just break my heart:

http://www.adn.com/news/alaska/story/382560.html

anyway, so back to the people at the office:

i was finally given an opportunity to "reveal" that lili has T21 in front of them without too much awkwardness.
there is a woman in my building with T21 and when i was about to leave she was down in the lobby and came up to me and shook me hand and introduced herself.
i'd seen this woman for years here and there. not to perpetuate the stereotype, but yes, she is SUPER happy and friendly.
always up to something like playing basketball or seeing a play.

after she shook my hand she looked into my pram to see lili.
i said to her "this is lili and she has what you have!"
and i don't think it totally registered what i was saying, but it didn't matter.

the people in the office were right there and heard.
and i looked at them and has "lili has down syndrome"
and they said "yes" as if they knew all along and it was no big deal.
and we went on to discuss all the opportunities available now.
and how some of them have family members with other disabilities.

and it was ok. i'm so glad it is out in the open now.

my relief makes me wonder if i should just tell people she has t21 now when i see them.
even strangers,
because, even tho it shouldn't be important that lili has an extra chromosome
it actually IS.

because children like lili are being wiped out daily now.
people like lili are becoming rarer and rarer.
lili will have considerable less friends like her because of this.
and everyone loses because the tapestry of human life is all the more shallow.

so yes, i think from this moment onward, i am just going to annouce to everyone when they say "ohhh she's so beautiful!"
that "AND she has down syndrome"

i think this can only result in good.

it shouldn't be important.
but...it IS.

it's been grey and rainy here.
it's friday night, i'm restless.
i have spring fever.
some free jazz is playing close to me.

i'm getting a tiny bit more bold about going out with just me and The Buh.
so i decided...heck ya...i'm going to take lili to her 1st live music outside of the womb!
and i play her "challenging" music all the time,
animal collective, akron/family, tibetan chants, the slits
i figured she'd be ok with free jazz.
so i got all ready (which took hours) and made sure she had a clean diaper on, and had a bottle all ready, and everything in that huge diaper bag, and piled her into the old pram from the 30's, and went off into the drizzle through the chattering streets with everyone staring at me (pram, pink hair)
and asked someone to help me carry that pram up 2 flights of stairs so i could get into the room with the music.

lo and behold...i was the only one to arrive!
i waved at milo as he did his epileptic tai chi piano playing with a man at an upright bass.
and he smiled and waved back.

cool i thought! i've made it!

lili was immedietely fidgety.
it wasn't the music, it was the volume of it.
too loud.

we stayed for 2 songs and then i gave up.

lili wasn't wailing or anything but i could see it could easily turn into that.
poor little bean was a bit frightened.

so...packed it all in and got 2 ladies to begrudgingly help me take the stroller back down the stairs.
and back home i went.

when we got home she put her arms in the air to be picked up.
and i squished her to my chest and she did her new affectionate thing to me...
she grabs my hair behind my neck and then lunges her face into mine and sucks on my chin with glee, a big grin on her face.
then she threw up on my shoulder.

ah yes :)

i love that kitten :)

so that is the story of me trying to take pooh to her 1st concert.
i'm so sad that there is this awesome music being played right now, right by my house, for free.
and i can't go.

but this is motherhood. and it's not like i haven't gotten to go to a gazillion cool things before i had her, and i got my ya-yas out.
so...it's dealable.

so my friday night is spent, just her and i....
now asleep in her bouncer.
and i'm listening to floyd instead, man.

i ordered it (with my birthday $) and it's on it's way!

http://wiki.feministsf.net/index.php?title=Open_Source_Boob_Project

there.
that's the best page with all the best links to the shitstorm that happened in the last few days over the gropefest.

look at my little homo sapien being a little stander :)
she gets SO proud of herself when she does it, too! she squeals and smiles a mile wide :)
i'll have to get a better picture of her doing it later.

she also is showing more interest in eating solids now.
opening up her mouth like a baby bird for vanilla yogurt

+++

spring is here!
i just heard thunder :)

and my birthday was excellent.
m took me to kraftwerk!

i'm 42!

the meaning of life, the universe and everything

http://yaledailynews.com/storymin.html

"Beginning next Tuesday, Shvarts will be displaying her senior art project, a documentation of a nine-month process during which she artificially inseminated herself "as often as possible" while periodically taking abortifacient drugs to induce miscarriages. Her exhibition will feature video recordings of these forced miscarriages as well as preserved collections of the blood from the process."

+++

ETA!
ha! it was a hoax! i KNEW it!

i got my period!
the 1st one in 1 1/2 years!
i hope this means i am fertile again :)

i weighed lili at my mom's yesterday and she weighed about 14 1/2 pounds.
and she measures about 24 inches long.

that puts her in the 10th percentile for height
and the 50th percentile for weight
(in the T21 growth charts)

+++

i'm looking around for donor milk in my area for her
'cause i'm just not happy with giving her 100% formula.

this is just a 41/2 minute collection of various silly lili faces that i made for the grandparents.
not sure if this will be of any interest to any of you here, but i'll post it anyway.

she's all cross eyed in the beginning because that is what she does usually when i point the video camera at her lately :)
i love her funny little ways :)